15 pieced together I found out she lived a sad life. Her childhood was spent in boarding school. She spent her whole life trapped in a marriage that hurt her. Permission to feel One year later, my father died. I was getting ready to go to a party. I walked into my house with a bouquet of flowers when the phone rang. It was my brother in India. He said dad was no more. I stood there. Holding the flowers. Thinking. Should I go to the party or not? Over the next few months, I felt emotions I’d never felt before. It was like the universe gave me permission. Permission to feel. The strongest one was hate. Hatred towards the things that happened. Especially my father. I didn’t know I’d been suppressing it for fifty years. Then my uncle told me something new. My parents left me with my grandparents when I was five months old. Five months. I didn’t know that. The sense of abandonment returned. Stronger than ever. I didn’t know how to navigate this minefield. I felt emotions I did not know existed. The strongest of them was hate.
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